The Birthday Massacre - Violet (2005)

This shall be one of those times where I don't review a Metal album, but something that's good nonetheless. For those of you who haven't heard of The Birthday Massacre, they are a 6 piece Goth Rock/Synthrock/Alternative Rock band from Toronto, Ontario, Canada. They used to be called Imagica, and got the name from a Clive Barker novel. They formed in 1999, have 3 albums, 1 live album, 2 ep's, and are in the works of their fourth album. They are currently signed to Metropolis Records. They consist of Chibi (Vocals), Rainbow (Guitar, Programming, & Vocals), Michael Falcore (Guitar & Programming), O.E. (Bass & Vocals), Owen (Keyboards), and Rhim (Drums). And now for the review.

Violet is The Birthday Massacre's second album (Nothing and Nowhere being their first release). It was originally released as an EP in 2004, but was re-worked, had tracks added, and was re-released in 2005 as a full length album. The album consits of 13 tracks (originally it had 9 on the EP), which are "Prologue", "Lovers End", "Happy Birthday", "Horror Show", "Violet", "Red", "Play Dead", "Blue", "Video Kid", "The Dream", "Black", "Holiday", and "Nevermind". The album was recorded with their current line-up, but without Owen, and O.E. (the original bassist, J. Aslan, played on this album). This album has a sort of mellow feeling when you listen to it. It's one of those albums you can kick back, put it on, and relax. It does have it's heavy moments though, mainly in the first single released from the album "Blue". You've probably seen the video on YouTube, and if not, click here to watch it. It's got a killer guitar riff that's simple yet profound, and the keyboards throw it over the top. Even Chibi, who normally sings in the higher tones, gets into the lower darker parts of the song, and she even growls the vocals at some points. The album, in my opinion, is one of the best (if not the best) album that the group has put out.

Overall, the album just kicked ass, sure it's Goth Rock and has Keyboards in it, but that just adds to the overall tone of the album. If you're into bands like Mindless Self Indulgence, VNV Nation, Jack off Jill, Zeromancer, Collide, Ayria, Cruxshadows, or Deadstar Assembly, then you'll want to pick this album up, it was released on August 9, 2005 and is on itunes and amazon.

Overall Rating: 4.6 out of 5

Buy the Album
The Birthday Massacre's Website

Preschool Tea Party Massacre - Hardcore Died with Hitler (2006)

For those of you who haven't heard of PTPM (which I'm guessing is a large chunk of you), they are a nine piece Grindcore band (yes, nine), that formed in 2002 in Newark, New Jersey. According to their myspace page, they consist of Supreme Allah (Vocals), Concubine (Drum Programming, Effects), Easy Money (Vocals, Guitar, Drum Programming), Don Carnage (Over the Top Cookie Monster Vocals), DJ RUFFneck (Vocals), Stumpy (Weird Noises, Laughing, Fights Fires), The Edge (Vocals), Shan Bone (Will Contribute Soon), and Joey Wallz (All instruments). They are currently signed to no label, and all of their cd's are self produced. And now onto the review.

Preschool Tea Party Massacre's fifth album release, entitled "Hardcore Died with Hitler" consits of 26 (yes, twenty six) tracks. The tracks in order are "Caveman Dildo", "Fuck Her and Kill Her But Not in That Order", "Charles Lindbergh was a Fuck Machine", "Say Cheese and Get Raped", "Pope-Mobile Drive By", "Sand Burial Fuckfest", "No Viewing Octopus Porno on Company Time", "I Swerved to Miss a Cat and Hit 36 Kids", "Climbing The Ladder of Exhibitionism At The Old Folks Home", "Dead Baby Eaten by Dogs", "Doggie Style Cyber Sex With Marilyn Monrobot", "Best Things In Life Are Free, Then Why Did I Pay To Get AIDS", "Beaten With Your Own Cowboy Boots", "Malibu Is For Gay Guidos and Women", "I Don't Just Develop Film, I Develop Families", "Black Girlfriend Killed Grandma", "Sausage King Shooting Spree", "The Story of the Lonely Giraffe Who Fucked a Tree, a Fence, and a Shed", "Breastfeeding A Boozed Whore", "If You Got The HIV. Holla At Us (Cause We Never Rock Jimmy Hats)", "It Fucking Hurts When I Piss", "Since When Is Caging a Child Illegal", "Of Course I'm Not a Real Person. I'm a Big Piece of Poop", "Managing To Fuck A 16-Year-Old", "You Would Rise To The Occasion In A Room Full of Guys", and "Cape + Mask + Gun = Neighborhood Shooting Rampage". Oh so many ways to describe this album, I'm going to start with the easiest one, no wonder it was self-produced, it's hard to listen to. I'm not joking, this is one of the few albums that I forced myself to listen to. The guitar was soooooooooo very simplistic that I got tired of the repetition. The drumming just got annoying after a while. It was quite literally just the snare drum for a good half of the album, it sounded worse than Metallica's Saint Anger album (and I had a really hard time getting through that one). There was hardly any "singing" on the album at all. It was unintelligible growls, high pitched black metalesque screams, and then randomly throughout the album was a guy acting all gangster. There was also the annoyance of the random techno aspect throughout most of the songs. The last track on the album, "Cape + Mask + Gun = Neighborhood Shooting Rampage" is 13:36 long, it should only be 3:00 long. Why you might ask, mainly because the first 10:30 of the song is nothing, quite literally nothing, just dead air, and then it's just a random conversation between two people while a keyboard plays quietly in the background. That's not even the worst part of it. The album is riddled with soundbytes and clips from movies. All of the tracks have them, some even have multpile ones.

Overall, I wouldn't recommend this album to anyone. The only way I'd recommend this is if you hate iwrestledabearonce, and I'd only recommend this if you wanted to start to like iwrestledabearonce. The only thing I liked about the album were three of the soundbytes and nothing else.

Overall score: 0.8 out of 5

Buy the Album
Preschool Tea Party Massacre's Website